Unemplyment Line - Short Story
By Grant Eagar
Prompt: I have never tasted.
Prompt: I have never tasted.
Unemployment Line
Karen had stood in the interview line for an eternity. As her pale grey eyes traveled down the line she couldn't believe how it wrapped down the stairs, through the large reception area and down a hallway. fifty applicants for a handful of jobs.
It appeared to her that the line ahead of her was getting longer than the line behind her. She pushed her hand through her dishwater blond hair and sighed. She tapped the shoulder of a man attempting to but in line. “Excuse me sir, would you mind waiting in line like the rest of us? It’s only fair.”
“I had to go to the bathroom, I’ve been standing in line three hours,” said a balding man in a plaid polyester suit.
She glanced ahead of her in the line and her eyes lit up. “I've only been here for two hours; you are reentering at the wrong location. Since I haven’t seen you in line before, you must have been standing directly ahead of the large, burly man with the shaved head and the tattoos standing ahead of us. I’m sure he'd be more than happy to let you back in line.”
“Thank you for the suggestion miss,” said the man. He briskly walked up the line and wedged himself in front of the large man. Karen could see some arguing; suddenly the large man picked him up and dumped him into a garbage can. All that could be seen of the bald man were his kicking legs.
What did I do to lose my job? Karen thought to herself, rubbing her forehead. Was I too outspoken? I should have gotten a lobotomy like my coworkers. They had the ability to stomach the mindless bureaucracy. Or perhaps the extended lunch breaks I took or my occasional internet search. If I’d been nicer to my pig-boss; things would have been different. She smiled to herself; sending email love letters to the other male managers when her boss had left his computer open hadn't helped matters nor making kissing noises when he was on the phone with his wife. Stop it! Stop it! She told herself, taking a deep breath. It’s over, no use rehashing the past; it wont bring my job back.
“Karen, there you are, I've been looking all over for you,” said Kevin her boyfriend. He came in wearing his pajamas, bath-robe and Grinch slippers.
“What are you doing here, Kevin? Can’t you see I’m trying to get a job?”
“This is an emergency, the cable is out as well as the internet. My favorite show Guiding Light is on in half an hour.”
She looked at his puffy eyes, two weeks of stubble and one week of tooth scum, and slowly asked, “And how’s that my problem?”
“You seriously don’t expect me to miss my show, do you?”
“Kevin, it’s simple, if we don’t pay the bills they shut off the service. I’m unemployed that’s what unemployed people do. If you have to scrape to buy food and pay rent; you definitely don't pay for entertainment.”
His eyes moistened and he struggled to fight back a choke. “I know you have credit cards, you could pay it with one of those. Karen if you don’t find a job soon I’ll have to find another place to live. And I know you don’t want that. I can’t live like this.” Before she could answer he quickly walked away. If only Kevin would make good on his weekly promise to move out. He’d promised to marry her after he got a job, that had been three years ago, he was still occasionally looking for work.
Karen's eye started to twitch, like it did whenever she gave her relationship with Kevin too much thought. Why do I have a soft spot for losers?
“Kind sir, you must be confused, the back of the line is that way,” said Karen to a man walking up to the front.
“I have a special pass, so I don’t have to wait in line,” said a man who resembled Kevin in everything except attire.
“May I please see it?” asked Karen. After he handed it to her, she read it out loud for everyone to hear, “Because of Melvin’s condition he is precluded from waiting in line, the wait causes him discomfort, signed Dr. Snodgrass." She looked at the scribbled note on the back of a McDonald’s receipt. "Your doctor works at McDonalds?”
"I don't have to prove anything, you're not the line Nazi," he said.
She tossed the note on the floor. When he bent over to pick it up, she kicked him in the behind. “Now donkey breath, you have a special pass to the back of the line. As he staggered back he received several more kicks along the way.
#
Hearing the life history of the old woman ahead of her; Karen politely nodded in agreement and occasionally muttered uh-ugh in agreement. She noticed a small hallway, half hidden with a fire alarm next to a bathroom. To distract her mind from tales of the woman's hemorrhoids, she toyed with the idea of pulling the alarm. When everyone was evacuated she’d turn it off, and run up to the front. If they caught her they might put her in jail, which would be awful. Kind of – let the damn creditors find her in jail. They’d be petitioning the judge to let her free, so they could torment her some more.
Now after spending another hour starring down at the same piece of floor tile; the edges of Karen's mouth came up in a smile and her eyes took on a glazed look. She told the people next her her she was going to the bathroom and walked down the hallway and dumped her coffee cup into the garbage can with the kicking legs sticking out. She put her fingers on the handle and started pulling. Should she? There was a bathroom nearby; she could hide in there for a moment while she waited for the building to clear. She’d never get away with it. “What the hell!”
She grabbed the handle and yanked. The shriek of the alarm made her jump. Running into the bathroom; there were three urinals, two occupied. Bloody-Hell! It was the wrong bathroom.
Karen walked into the middle empty urinal; one of the men raised his eye brows and looked over the partition at her business. She grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face into the wall several times. He collapsed onto the floor, when the other man glanced at her, she said, “Do you have a problem Bub?!” in her lowest voice. He quickly refocused his attention on the wall.
Five minutes later the horn continued to blare, she cautiously stepped over the moaning body on the floor, gave it a parting kick and left the bathroom. The line was still there, no one had left. In fact the sprinklers above the stairs had gone off. The men and women standing there were soaked. They bravely stood in their business suits and skirts, not willing to give up their place in line when they were so close to the interview.
Karen turned off the alarm, and trudged back to her place in the line. That would be her luck, jump off the ledge of her sanity and no one cares.
Ten minutes later she saw a skinny, desperate looking man with a mustache and black hair grab the alarm and run into the bathroom. He was quickly followed by three police officers.
Karen grinned. As they dragged him kicking and thrashing past her, he yelled,” It was her, she did it first, I was just a copycat, there’s the real criminal.” The closest officer gave her a curious look.
Karen said, “Officer, this man appears to be out of control, you shouldn’t have to take this abuse, isn’t that what Tasers are for?”
“You’re absolutely right,” said the officer. “This is exactly what Tasers are for.” After pulling his Taser out, he tazed the thrashing man several times until the he calmed down. The officer tipped his hat to Karen. “I feel much better now, thanks for the suggestion.” They then dragged the copycat's limp body away.
Karen noticed a woman walking up the line with her arms filled with files and folders. As she walked past, Karen caught the flash of an employee badge under her coat. As the lady climbed the stairs she slipped on the water and rolled head over skirt, over heels until she lay sprawled at the base of the stairs.
Everyone just stood there; oblivious to her. Karen quickly ran up to her and lifted the woman to her feet then stooping down she picked up the folders and papers then helped her up the stairs. Coming to a closed room, the woman unlocked it and Karen carried her papers inside and laid them on a table.
“You just as well have a seat; you can be my first interview,” said the woman.
Karen winked at her and said, “You won’t need to interview anyone else.”
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