Short Story - Sometimes It's Better If You Don't Get Married - Grant Eagar

Sometimes It’s Better If You Don’t Get Married

By Grant Eagar

  To order my books:

 Angelica: The Princess and the Pig  

Henry and Sophie: A Steampunk Adventure 

Sheila the Vampire: Dancing with the Enemy

 

When considering the happy, contented life of the single adult. There are those who say that it is better if you don’t get married. The nirvana of being single should not be spoiled by the entanglements of married life.  Just stay in your little, comfortable bubble and let life rush by in all its chaos and horror.

There is no requirement to intertwine families, or accommodate other’s beliefs, sleep schedules, idiosyncrasies, political views, and tastes in food or lack thereof.  No need to remember anniversaries, birthdays, or the horrid Valentine’s Day massacre.

There would be no affairs, no divorces nor heartache. No arguments about where to go for dinner, which movie to attend, or what color to paint the house; unless of course you consult the neighbors or the dog.

            No one to steal the covers, or kick you out of bed; no morning breath or demands for a back rub or foot massage.

            When you blow the budget, who’s to know or care, when you get failing grades in your college classes, no nagging. When you don’t take a bath for three days; no complaints; except for said dog. Your clothes do not have to match. Your bed does not have to be made. No holding of doors or opening them out of respect.  No one waking you up at 4:00 AM and wanting to talk-talk to you when you are dead, dead, dead tired.

If the garbage doesn’t go out, who’s to know- oops shame on me.  If the dishes in the sink resembles a nuclear waste dump, silly me I forgot.  If there is more garbage on the inside of your car than in a McDonalds dumpster: woops. Eating cookies, hamburgers, pizzas in bed; it’s okay. Watching football, basketball or professional wrestling during prime family time - no concerns:  even if you are watching them in your underwear. When you put up calendars of wholesome young women enjoying the sun; no big deal.

            Naturally there would be no pitter patter of little feet, or the blood curdling cries of hunger, boredom or poopy diapers. No it’s his turn to do the dishes nor are we there yet or I’m not tired I don’t want to go to bed. No demands for bed time stories.

There would also be a lack of dental bills, medical bills or college tuition. No high priced teenager car insurance. No “Who put a dent in the car?” Or “Who forgot to fill the gas tank?” No shoes to buy, nor designer clothes, or expensive football helmets or baseball mitts. No having to coach a soccer team or a softball team when you barely know how to play the game yourself. No having to teach someone to ride a bike or worse yet to drive. No one dragging you off to some game, when you are bone tired. No one asking you to play catch, horse or football.  Never having to wait for a shower or to use the bathroom.

No one wanting to call and talk, talk, talk; about school and boys, and boys. No applying band aids to knees or broken hearts. No saving for weddings or anniversaries.     

            Finally so much less sorrow,

                        So little grief,

So fewer heartaches,

            Aw to spend a life time on this planet and never have tasted of if fully/ oh how poor a life indeed.