Short Story - Hill of Hope - Grant Eagar

 

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The Hill of Hope

It was a Friday morning, around 9.  I received a video call; it was my manager and a lady from human resources. They wanted to speak with me. I felt a wrench in my stomach; did I do something wrong? They said something about the company going through a restructuring and my position being eliminated; it was all a bit hazy. I expressed appreciation for the job that I had and wished them the best. I try to be positive, hoping to create good karma for my next job. The call closes, and I realize in 30 minutes my connection to the network is going to conclude, so I quickly send out a few hasty 'goodbyes, and then the connection ends. I look at my screen, and the hot project that I had been stressing over is on my computer. The thought comes to me, this is no longer my concern, and I feel a release of stress as well as the initial adrenaline of a new adventure. After a few minutes, there is also the bitter taste of the realization that the job had ended. I was not a perfect employee, but I did my best.

A few days later, my sister-in-law asks me how I'm holding up. I tell her that since I've been through this before, I try to remember how I dealt with it back then. I felt it was a combination of hard work searching for a job, as well as faith in god's help and optimism in the future. That finding a new job may take a while. I tell her I try to focus on those things I have control over.

 Another time when I was unemployed, my wife and I would take a walk every morning. First, we would start the walk with optimism and walk up a hill, talking about some of the positive job opportunities that I had. We called it the hill of hope. We would turn a corner, then walk down the hill to another corner. By this time, we were less hopeful and occasionally negative, so we would call this the corner of despair.  I've learned that being of good cheer is hard work. 

Today I boxed up my computer, my monitor, and my work cell phone. Dropping it all off at UPS. This seemed to make it all more real. It felt both refreshing and painful.   Some of the mental demons I try to avoid are the ‘what could I have done differently’ imp and the ‘maybe they will change their minds’ dragon. It is tough staying away from these monsters.

Wearing a new hat every day – A couple of days ago, I was submitted for a position in let’s say Atlanta, so I figuratively put on my Atlanta Hat. I googled a suburb that I would like to live in, checked out the cost of rent for apartments, the cost for a room on Craigslist, and the airfares to my local airport. I would be coming home every other weekend. Mentally, all day I went over in my mind repeatedly how I would make the situation work. Tomorrow I may be putting on my Dallas hat.  This is my process of maintaining hope.

We all wish we never had to go through unemployment, but a loss of a job is part of most people’s lives. How we deal with it defines us for good or ill. Taking a few risks and trying something new is what makes us happy.