Letter From Mildred to Fredrick

To order my books:

 Angelica: The Princess and the Pig  

Henry and Sophie: A Steampunk Adventure 

Sheila the Vampire: Dancing with the Enemy

A Letter of sorts- From the other side

By Grant Eagar

Dear . . . est Fredrick,

            Here are a few lines to express the deep pain and sorrow you’ve caused me. The twelve years we spent together were sweet and have become bitter of late.

The affair you had with Braunheilda, our housekeeper, put a damper on things; especially since she’s seventy nine years old. The old nag’s grins of triumph made my blood boil.

The tryst you had with our maid Jenny baffled me, since she is bald and has a hump. When she would lumber past your chair, shake her gargantuan booty and say, “Who’s your momma?” she’d make me want to scream.

Your many long, passionate love-letters to my cousin Amelia caused much pain; given that she is blind and demanded that I read them to her. Her insistence that I dictate her letters in return made me want to pull my hair out.

I thought you wanted to show that you cared for me when you would take me out on the town, but no you just wanted me to be your wingman to help you pick up women. Whoever heard of using their wife as a wingman anyway? 

Now that I’m on the other side, I feel a little more forgiving and penitent. I’ve begun to cherish the six months of fidelity you gave me. I’ve also begun to forgive the eleven and a half years of betrayal; thus I’ve decided to tell you about the poison I put in the - Oops sorry got to go, write to you . . . err-talk to you soon.

Love, sort of . . . Mildred